Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Scream and Shout

Warning: Slight gory description. Not for the faint of heart.

It has to be said. All last week prior to 27th January 2015, I must have been the dumbest jackass. Having been told that on this particular date I will be having the 24cm stent removed in a minor operation, I was left wondering where the incision would be made. Do pardon me, but I am not medically-trained and neither am I a medicine man. And +came that day (yesterday) when I was told of the procedure, I stood stunned, finding the need to twist and shout. Oops, I mean 'scream and shout'.

The moment I stepped into the room, I saw her. She was dressed in an all-white attire, complete with surgical mask and headdress. I closed my eyes for a moment and somehow saw on one hand she was holding a butcher's knife while the other a leather strap. But she was not. Instead, she was holding a strange contraption that is all black and I began to wonder if I had accidentally stepped into a 'Twilight Zone' film set. All around the room were several people all dressed as she was and there was no escape.

After a change of clothes I soon found myself lying on the operation table and looking up to her standing beside a man.
"look Doc, you don't want to be doing this, do you?" I said soon as I was calm.
"I don't" she said "but you do".
 "You know Doc, during the cavemen period, man use to go around with a heavy wooden club which the use to hit the head of any women they fancy. Then when she's unconscious, she would be dragged home to be his wife. Pretty uncivilised people, don't you think?"
"What's your point?" she asked.
"Well, here's your chance to avenge all those women. You could use that hammer and knock me out and be the champion of your gender" I said with a small grin.
"Nice try, but no thank you".
With that began about the most physically dreadful thing  ever to happen to me in my conscious state of mind.

The man held my penis and the lady inserted a gel into the opening. I jerked as there was a burning sensation but was calmed down by the staff. Cutting a scene or two, the lady then began inserting a tube into the penis and continued shoving. Several times I would groan not because it was painful(it was) but more because I was frightened until the man asked me to look into the TV monitor above my head. There I could see the walls of my innards as the tube snaked in towards where the Stent was.

It was an Endoscopy Procedure which millions of people have gone through. Though I had experienced a procedure more than a decade ago, the tube then was inserted through the throat, and I was unconscious. The episode yesterday, was a totally different experience!

 For several days prior to 27th, I have been urinating blood and was told it was due to the stent. Thus, when the tube entered my bladder, it was greeted by a cloudy image of yellowish-red liquid which a medical team member began draining out. Soon as it was clear, the Stent became visible and the man pulled out a thin wire with a hook at the end of it and told me to relax.
"You've got to be kidding me". But even before I could finish think that, he had begun inserting the wire through the endoscopy tube.

On the first try, the man missed the stent and the hook grazed a wall of my bladder. There was a strange sensation. But even as I was trying to think, he managed to hook the Stent and began reeling it out as fast as he could. Oh wow! I just do not know how to explain those micro-seconds of helplessness and weird sensation. Still, I am grateful he did it fast as it meant lesser sensation.

The whole procedure took less than 10minutes. But whilst there, it sure felt much longer.

Post-procedure: I am at home about an hour later. From then until now, I have to take a deep breath each time I need to take a leak. Undoubtedly, there are and were minor wounds all along the trail and each time I pass urine, I feel a burning sensation. But it's getting lesser and lesser and I thank Allah that this episode is behind me.

Note: I'm not being a cry-baby or wearing my heart on my sleeve here but merely telling of what I have gone through though not all of it. I know there are many more people with much more complicated and painful issues out there. With this small episode I have had, I hope I can learn to appreciate and be more compassionate towards these people. At the same time, I do hope anyone reading this would take precautions and avoid themselves from similar inconveniences.

Do remember to drink lots of water and try not to indulge in nuts and nuts-related food.

ps. Hollywood like to make sequels of especially horror and/or scifi movies. One, like Aliens, has a baby Alien hatching out.
The latest CT Scan results the hospital took on me revealed a 0.5cm stone still residing in a far corner of my kidney.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

A Donkey's Tale

Foremost, anyone out there who is familiar with this blog might just think this entry is a continuation to one in the past entitled 'Story About Jackasses'. No, this is not. Nor is it about anyone prominent to the likes of spending a vacation with his family some north of here and then spinning a lie that it was an official trip until a tabloid laid bare his lie, much to the shame of the nation.

Then again, perhaps this should be a continuation to SAJ, especially a certain Jackass who should be kicked in his rear and sent flying to a country which lay somewhere west of Kamchatka and one that was once led by a famous warrior who it is said to have lived with a code of honour that this prominent Jackass have no inkling about.  But no, as much as I very much would like to I have decided not to ridicule anyone. And this would include the 47% Jackasses of a certain august house somewhere in this world.  Enough said.

Now, this entry came about after reading about Don Quixote meeting with Si Luncai, a man in the same standing of fables quite like the Don himself. The story about this meeting is itself not true but if given the time may well tall amongst the ranks of other fables including that of the Don and Si Luncai.

Another thing that spurred this entry is an Arab proverb I came across quite recently. As one might have guessed, yes, it is related to a donkey. Some might read it hilariously just as I did, while others may not. One thing to remember though, the proverb I will be penning in a while is a translation from Arab to English. I was told that the original version sounds and read much better.

"He who brings a donkey up a minaret, will he himself bring it down".

Honestly, I do not know the real meaning but my read is simple: He who does a stupid thing shall then undo it himself. It's like if one is in a prominent standing and then do something stupid (or many stupid things), one should the honourable thing such as the sepuku. Although that may not atone for the wrongs done, it would, I think, give some people a peace in mind. But hmm...I'm digressing. No, this entry has nothing to do with anyone but me in the lead role of the donkey in question.

You see, I have this pain in my abdomen somewhere near where the appendix should be. It can't be the appendix as the surgeons took it out when I was 7yrs old. And the pain bothers me only when I am in need of the Rest Room. When I consulted a Nurse friend, she said it is due to the Stent - a 24cm wire - which connects my right kidney to my bladder, courtesy of the surgeons.

So what has that got to do with my being a donkey, one might ask. Simple. Since I do not drink enough water, it affects the areas where the Stent is. To stop being a donkey, I would need to drink at least 2liters a day, just as everyone should. Thing is, like I told my younger sister: "What? You want me to drown?" I was, of course, just being my playful self with her.

But seriously folks, do drink lots of water. Otherwise you might be going through the inconveniences I am now. And as for the sepuku, well, come this 29th Jan and in a minor surgery, the surgeons will be taking out the Stent. Not a real sepuku but close enough.

Er...any ladies out there care to own a donkey as a pet? Just kidding ya.