Saturday, January 05, 2008

Love On The Rocks.

I'm just feeling down somewhat since last yesterday evening. A friend came over to bunk for the night which was not a problem at all. Trouble is, we hardly spoke at all. There's nothing brewing between us but he just do not wish to say anything. I supposed I could understand as 2 day earlier, I followed him to Jabatan Agama Islam Selangor.

When we walked into the room, both of us were rather taken aback as the Ustazah whom my friend was supposed to meet is a young lady of around 27 years old. Granted she has the knowledge and may have been well trained for purposes such as this, but somehow both of us were expecting a more senior person with wider exposure and experience. Still...we sat ourselves as comfortably as we could.

I cannot imagine the emotional turmoil my friend must have been going through. Though he has been confiding the matter with me...put it this way, as the Malay saying goes: Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Thus, when he asked me to accompany him to JAIS on this matter, I wholeheartedly said yes!

My friend kept looking at me, as though searching for moral support. All I could do was nod and pat his shoulder. Then he began narrating the events to the Ustazah so she would would have a clearer picture.

After slightly more than 20 years of being separated, my friend's mother has decided to file a divorce from her husband. At the age where most couples look with pride and joy at the family they have managed to bring up, this couple now could not reconcile the difference between them. But to be fair, it is my friend's mother who could not.

When the Ustazah tried to console my friend who talked rather haltingly, he posed a question to her, which caught me in a shock as well "Tell me, have you ever had your mother cry profusely on your shoulder?" Neither the Ustazah nor I could reply initially. Then, perhaps in a show of her inexperience, she replied "No, alhamdulillah, I have not...but". She stopped there, perhaps realising she was supposed to listen more and talk less.

I have known my friend's mother for quite sometime now. Though I did manage to meet his father when ever he's in town, I never did get to know him. But his mother is one of the most gentle lady I have ever met. She's around my emak's age of 75, but could easily pass off as 50 odd and lives with her daughter somewhere in Subang Jaya.

"Well, I have..."my friend continued. "Believe me, it is something you do not want to experience, and neither do I...ever again." He continued relating the state of affairs. At the same time, I know he was also trying to find an amicable solution, one which would not lead to the Syariah Courts. At that point of time, he looked at me and I caught his message - I left the room to give my friend the privacy needed.

All the way back to his house, neither of us said a single word. I left him at his place and I began driving, to nowhere in particular. I was and am worried for him as he lives a solitary life, never trusting anyone in particular. For the years I have come to know him, he hardly spoke of his family. But I do suspect they have gone through quite a lot.

This morning after breakfast, he thanked me before driving off. His face was glum and not the cheery look he normally have when in company of friends. And the one thing a mutual used to dislike about him is that he seemed to have a carefree attitude, as though not bothered about the world around him. Now when I think about it, perhaps that was just a charade he puts on so the world would not think any different of him.

Later this afternoon, he called saying he's off to his dad's place somewhere in Perlis and has taken the week off. I think I know why, but just wished him the best. InsyAllah, knowing the fighter in him, he will get over it and help his mother through.


Kata Tak Nak said...

Its a sad thing when 2 hearts that used to be attached together have to be detached but things do happen. Sometimes separation is for the better and if in this case the separation is already for 20 years then I think there will be no love lost. Let it be and let go.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

You do have a point there. InsyAllah, I will relay it to him.

Mat Salo said...

I hope to see you next time around and perhaps get a chance to meet this friend? KTN's right and I need his and your advice to handle a private matter much to sensitive to be discussed here.

It's sad, it's the most disgusting thing in God's eyes. That's why He, his Infinite Wisdom made provisions...

I personally think Syariah courts in matters such as these are a waste of time. Officers are ill-trained to handle the complexities of modern life...You did a great job of supporting a friend in need, dude...

cakapaje said...

Salam MS,

Bro, I look forward to our meet. Though, seriously, I do not think I am the right person to seek an advice from. Still, I am all ears.

tokasid said...

Salam Shah:

I feel sorry for your friend, to be caught in this situation.
Eventhough his parents lived a separate life, they are still officially man and wife. But when his mum decide for a fasakh, most children can't comprehend the matter, especially both the parents are warga emas.

It is definitely an emotional rollercoaster for him( and for us too if we are in his shoes).telan mati mak luah mati bapak.

And I agree with what che'gu said. Your friend should let his parents decide for themselves.Its their lives its their decision.

The support you gave to him is tremendous and I'm sure he will remember it for a very long time.

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Doc,

Thank you Doc. You and Cikgu are both quite correct there.