Monday, November 03, 2008

My Name is Barn

Many a bestseller, whether novels or films, have their characters - main, and even the supporting roles - based on true people and events. Sometimes the idea to write or produce were inspired by these people, sometimes not. Well, at least not entirely as the story would more often than not, depict the persons or events with a slight exaggeration...or more. This entry, is based on true observation. Unlike a well written novel or production where the antagonist role is defined as good or evil, or evil turned good, or vice-versa, his nature here is left entirely to the readers to decide.


I do not know where or how to begin. But I am getting old and have been afflicted with one ailment after another, that some say my death is near already; I find that last bit, too gruesome to accept. Unlike the 1,000year Reich which ended within 2 or 3 scores of its promised life, I intend to live throughout and more, the prophecy of the 6th generation which was my destiny. At this juncture, I should warn you that I am not a single man or two. I, am an entity.

What I am, who I really am, I cannot tell you. It is not because I do not want to, but I am just unable to. My entire life has been one confusing state of affair. Perhaps, were we a building, I would be one of the smaller rooms - important to some, loathsome to many others; the latter could never be more right for within the wall of my room, 2 worlds collide. That said, it would then be better to look back from the beginning.

It may seem hard to believe that I was sparkling clean early in my days with not a spot to be found. No germs, no bacteria, of whatsoever. The people who came to me, found me to be a joy to be with. Soon, word spread and more and more people came. Perhaps that was when things change. I can't find the correct words to use, but if any, an old Malay proverb may suit the meaning here: "Kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga".

Due to my ever increasing schedule, a thought crossed the mind of a few and before long, my visitors were being charged a small fee. "Just a token", my keepers said. And I consented, thinking that it could lead to better things. How wrong I was.

As more and more people visit me, they wittingly or not, brought along with them dirt which may not be seen by the naked eye. And in embracing them and their needs, soon the dirt found its way to me and stick it does, like a feeding leech. Whatever 'token' taken, became insufficient and thus, was increased. But instead of making me better, I became worse. My keeper, especially the ones sitting on a 'throne', refuse to do anything positive and in fact, contribute further to my worsening condition, causing a laureate to write in the foulest manner possible. For that, he was ridiculed by my keepers. In the meantime, the condition of my being slips to a point of ridiculous where broken tiles and dirty water flood the floor. To make matter worse, crimes are now being committed without conscience. Still, visitors come to me. Not as many as before as a high number have decided enough is enough. The evil thoughts that now reside within me, laugh at those ingrates; do they know not, that I am by far the most important thing in this house?

Yes, it does seem the laureate was correct in his words. But what care do I have for them? My loyal visitors, throng to me in numbers not known before. Drunks and misfits they may be, but I love them to bits. Without them, my life would be empty. However, a worrying presence is beginning to manifest itself.

For the past several years, brickbats have been hurled towards me by some writers, causing a considerable damage to my reputation. Initially, I had thought them to be silly and undignified people with nothing better to do but write unfounded allegations against me. But now, I take a slightly different view: they are, admittedly, people with conscience and noble intention. Come this 29th November, I have been informed of another secret meeting that may probably take place at their Castle of the Kinghts of Asam Pedas (read here).

I would be lying to say that I do not fear them. Working alone, many of them has managed to cleanse the minds of the people. Together, they can easily bring me to my knees. What more, I hear this time, apart from my nemeses DocTA Strangeglove, Goldfinger Madsalo, Ironside kerpie, and Aristotle Jaflam organising the meet, a Cikgu No from Penang will be attending it too. The meet this time, I was told, would be to discuss the people's 'Quantum of Sorrow'. This, could well be my death knell.

My name, by the way, is Barn. Jarm Barn.

Though the video seem to have been purposely blurred many have heard it, do listen to the music and lyrics of the theme to my life.

16 comments:

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

muahahaha...cheer up. you may have seen it all, the different shapes and of the different of colors, some with the ugliest...etc...but you are also envied by many to have seen, or even hugged the prettiest of moon.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Mr. Barn, don't you fret, I am here to help you. Oh by the way I am Saa, Dough Saa.

Ydiana said...

Salam Shah

That's quite an observation from the writer, like a very much personalised experience...haha. Well, I had a good antidote of great morning laugh on this one.

alinaabdullah said...

salam shah. tulisan yang menarek. tapi macam ada sedikit sayu di situ. kenapa ye?

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Hehe...actually, that Mr Barn admit he would rather not see nor smell any ;)

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Aah...my good friend Mr Saa. We have come such a long way that we are synonymous already. With you beside me, let the party begin :)

cakapaje said...

Salam ydiana,

Glad to have been of service to you ma'am. And yes, the writer must have been a good observer :)

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam alina,

Sayu? Hmm...mungkin Mr Barn tu dah jemu dengan kerenah orang di tempat dia kut :)

Eskapisminda said...

Salam CakapAje, brilliant piece!

Thanks for the much needed entertainment. I had a good laugh at 4 am (bz working :P). Tho a lembap like me (or maybe my brain is already dead tired) has to re-read a few times to 'get it'...but it's worth the 'pelaburan'! Have a great day ahead.

Raina said...

hehe
kelakor shah
susah nak cari the sexist 'butt'
sebagai Barn girl..

shah..shah
gelak sorang2
baca posting hang ni..

rerama salju said...

Salam ca,

hahahahaha Jam Barn...kakakakaka,u are very good in imagination don't ya?love it!

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Intan,

Glad you like it, thank you. To be honest though, you are not at fault at having to reread it; that Mr Barn could have written better had there been no interruptions. But like the say, interruptions or not, the show must go on.


ps. I thought you're out of the corp comms thing.

cakapaje said...

Salam raina,

Hehe...jangan gelak sorang diri. Kang, dihantau ke bilik lain pula. Pi jemput memba opis baca sama; boleh le gelak beramai :)

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam rs,

Imagination, tu amat penting bila pi jumpa Mr Barn :) Thanks for liking it too.

Eskapisminda said...

Salam Cakap Aje,

Yes, the show must go on. Tulis mesti tulis...silap tak apa janji point ada (my blogging prinsip..hehehee)


P.S: Sorilah maybe my posting tak jelas. Sebelum berhenti, I'm not from corporate comm department. I'm from corporate sales, yang penuh dengan pressure on numbers (jauh lari tu).

Tapi now I'm on my own doing things I prefer - writing, translation work and learning to write better. Sekarang (alhamdulillah) dapat job buat script for documentary/corporate video
for two clients AND at the same time attending a writing course in FINAS. Pasal tu la sibuk kena kerja sampai pagi dan takde masa nak blog frequently. Ada job ka?? Boleh la pas2...Hehe...

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Intan,

True. But many times I wish I would have better eyes to check on those silly mistakes.

Corp Sales eh? Was never near your people much. Corp comms, yes. And as for jobs, hehe, I too am looking for some myself :)