Friday, September 19, 2008

Charge of The Sarkas Brigade

Cikgu's entry here helped lent an idea to this entry.

In a fictionalised battle that could well be reminiscent to a real life situation, newly appointed General Halkap, brought his brigade of the 5th Sarkas Rangers up the slopes of Putrajaya Hill for a better defensive position. An open terrain of some 300 meters wide all around the hill would give the men ample time to spot and mercilessly shoot down any enemy approach. Such, must have been the thought of the General, who, like most self-deluded leaders in history, now command an army not only in the hope that it would bring him honour in the eyes of his followers, but also that it - the army - would not be used against him at any point later. The fact that the only thing he knows about military affairs were from the books of 19th Century wars he read, were of little consequence to him. Or, to anyone by his reckoning.

Soon as all the units have reached the top, General Halkap called for his Second-in-Command, Colonel Bijan, a man afflicted with same delusion as the General, but off course, about himself rather than his commander. In a manner of speaking, Colonel Bijan may have made a better commander as he has had some experience with the military, albeit a rather controversial and explosive one.
"Form a Square!" ordered the General.
"But Sir," objected Bijan "this is crazy! That defensive formation has been made obsolete in modern warfare!"
"Don't you ever object nor countermand my orders, Bijan! I can have you replaced as easily as I can indict you in court (martial). So, be a good officer and have the men form the Square."

No sooner had the men formed the Square, they begin to hear the humming and clanking sounds of armoured vehicles all around them. The sounds grow larger by the minute and the soldiers in the ranks and files soon begin to perspire in fear and anticipation of the enemy.
"General," cried an officer "the enemy have brought up their armour! There is no way we can ward them off with light weapons!"
"He is right, General Sir!" said Bijan. "We need a change of tactics! What are your orders?"
"I...I, don't know!" replied the General. "I was hoping to hand you the command soon after this battle, but now..."
"Let me have the men for now, Sir!" cried Bijan as the noise of the armour steadily drowns his voice. "You will still be Commander-In-Chief, but let me take the men to the enemy!"
"Very well, Bijan" replied General Halkap, "the men are yours for now. We shall talk of your command after this battle. Go! Go and bring us victory."

Just as Bijan were about to issue an order, the armoured vehicles of the enemy comes into view. The men of the 5th Sarkas Rangers faces turned white at the sight of Challenger tanks accompanied by Strykers and the ageing Bradleys. All around them were metal monsters of death and not a flesh of the enemy can be seen.
"Men of the 5th Sarkas Rangers!" cried Bijan at the top of his voice, "fix bayonets! Chaaarge!". Those were the last words of a Pekanite, immortalised in comedy sketches and books of Fools, as a reminder to Malaysians to the idiocies of 2 leaders of the past.


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

colonel bijan? muahahahahaaaaaa...

i wonder if he'll ever get to be the general. a certain quarter of the sarkas brigade seems to believe admiral iluk makes a better general.

Mat Salo said...

Ha ha.. the only sarkas worth going is Cirque Du Soleil, bro. Nice one, BTW.

Anonymous said...

haha. dalam buku teks sejarah akan datang tak tahulah apa yang akan diceritakan tentang pemimpin zaman kini.. harap dipadamkan.. :)

Ydiana said...

Salam Shah

Just had a good laugh here, and related to our story. Hee hee

Ydiana said...

....related to your story... (not 'our' story) Thousand apology. :)

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Hehe...well, I couldn't name him Colonel Sanders, can I? :)

True, Admiral Iluk looks strong to lead the Sarkas forces. Or so I was informed by the Vulcans and Klingons :)

cakapaje said...

Salam MS,

Hehe...that Circue Du Soleil, I too would love to see :) Thank you.

cakapaje said...

Salam Alina,

Hehe...kat epithet pemimpin la ni akan tertulis "Here lie the fools on the hill. Remember them well, for they tried their best to fool a nation of good people. In the end, it was they themselves who was fooled."

cakapaje said...

Salam ydiana,

Lol! No apologies needed; my story is indeed our story :) And thanks, I went there, read, and strangely laughed at the stink too :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

Colonel Bijan then deviced a strategy. The strategy was simple. It was supposed to create uneasiness in the ranks of the invading forces and maybe create a mutiny.
Private Lufias ran towards the invading forces. He shouted, "rape, rape, I have been raped by your General Rawna".

Lufias swore that he was indeed raped and Bijan not to be left behind swore that he did not know the woman from Ailognom.

"Why are you swearing this" the invading forces asked. "I can't let Lufias swear alone" he answered sheepishly.

To make a long story short Bijan was ostracised to Ailognom and Lufias was last seen working in a Gay Club.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Lol! You definitely are crueler than I am, sending Bijan to the only state he has aversions about. But I couldn't have told the story better about Lufias made to work in the Gay Club :)