Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Final: Beans Ununited vs People United

"Welcome come back viewers, to the greatest game ever in the history of Malaysia!" said the commentator Faisal Martin Salo as the cameraman focus on him.
"Right! As we await the 2 teams to come up on pitch for more exciting moments in the extra time, let me introduce you to my 2 new colleagues who will be helping me here. Both, are already well known to everyone already and I should just ask you to welcome Fergie Nazir and Arsne Kerpie! Welcome! Welcome..."the camera pans out to show all 3 gentleman well seated at the window overlooking the fabulous soccer pitch at Bukit Jalil Stadium.

"Gentlemen," adds FMS "what have you got to say about the exciting match just now?"
"Er...before we begin", quips in Fergie Nazir "what happened to the other commentator here just now?"
"Den Cakapaje, you mean?"replied FMS "Oh, he decided to go down to the pitch and be our man there!"
"Den Cakapaje? You mean the guy's from Melaka?"
"Oh no! He's a born and bred Selangorian. Just that, well, he fancies himself to be like Dan Rathers, a famous newscasters from CBS." said FMS with a wide grin, as FN slaps his forehead in disbelief and whispering to himself "Oh well...".
"But let's get on to the match, especially for our late viewers" FMS cuts in quickly, hoping viewers would not notice FN's reaction.

"Now viewers," said FMS "Beans Ununited and the People are currently tied even at 4 each. But, fans of the People are crying foul as 2 of their goals have been rules offside while all 4 goals from BU looks suspiciously to be so. Let us now hear what these great gentlemen we have hear have to say about it. Arsne Kerpie, let us start with you..."
"*&@#*$)"growls AK with words that are hardly audible, minding the fact that he is on live TV. "Of course the BU goals are illegal...all of them! The 3rd goal was scored with a hand, but the match officials have strangely allowed it!"
"Well," FN interjects "I do not find it strange, actually. In fact, had they disallowed that goal, only then I would think so. I see those match officials to be bias from even before the game. Their wearing dark blue colours for example, I see that a delibrate attempt to confuse the PU players who are wearing all blacks."
"Now, that's an interesting point...the PU wearing all blacks. Why that colour?" ask FMS.
"Let me reply that" said AK while grabbing the microphone. "The PU are wearng all black as a sign of protest at having their brilliant midfielder sent off during the semi finals. Yes, in fact, we should all be wearing black in support to Rakyat People Kamaruddin, instead of the yellow of the fans."
"But you are also wearing yellow, as I am" siad FMS.
"True. But when we planned for yellow, we did not know RPK would be banned for this final match as well" retort FN. "We only received the news this morning but by then it was too late to change. That, is why the fans are in force here wearing yellow."

"Talking about the fans," FMS said as he directs the camera to the stands "the yellow wave fills only about a quarter of the stadium. The rest, I see the blue colours of Beans Ununited. How is this so?"
"Well...*#@$()*^@$" this time AK just could not control his tongue, "if you look outside the stadium, the PU fans have been locked out by stadium officials even though they hold genuine tickets for this match! This is another attempt by BU to give a false impression of PU's strength!"
"I agree with AK" said FN. "I honestly believe the stadium officials should have used the indelible ink to mark genuine ticket holders."
"But...if so, then who are those people wearing BU colours then?"
"&&(@() foreigners, I tell you!" shouted AK.
"Ok, we will have to cut this short now as I see some players coming back onto the pitch" said FMS as the camera director punch in another camera's shot onto the main screen.

On the field, all 11 players of People United walk slowly to their side where Ziza, Idah, Rawna holds a brief discussion while Daylight Kit juggles with a ball with his feet. On the other side, Halkap and Bijan are the only BU players seen with the rest still in the changing room. The referee is seen talking to BU officials.

"There seem to be some confusion down there," said the voice of FMS "let's try to get Den Cakapaje to get us the story. Den, what can you tell us?"
"Well," shouts DC as he tries to make himself heard through the roar and din of not only inside the stadium, but outside as well as thousand of yellow t-shirt fans wait in full hope for a well deserve victory. "It seems, the BU players had a scuffle between themselves just now and their officials are still trying to sort matters."
"Do you know what the trouble is all about?"
"Yes, I was informed by a BU official that the players have a disagreement on 2 matters! First, none of them wants the role of striker; then, they want the captain armband worn by someone other than Halkap or Bijan!"
"Over the hill, are they?" ask FMS.
"That's the story I have. Both, Halkap and Bijan thinks they are in the same mould as Roger Milla, and have refused to bow down. Their botak goalkeeper, that Yu Botak Bodoh, thinks he is one too! But hold on...yes, the BU players are coming back on pitch. Yes, there they are and the referee is counting each as they come on. Yes, we now have all...17 BU players on pitch?"
"17? Are you sure?"
"Yes, I've made a count and a recount. The referee's allowing BU to have 17 players on the field!"

"Hang on, hang on!" cuts in FN. "Is this a soccer match we are having?"
"Off course it is" the reply however, comes from a BU official. "We make the rules here and we'll show you how soccer is played," and he walks off throwing a rugby ball to one of the BU players.


For RPK and the many still held under ISA.
Say No to ISA!

6 comments:

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

muahahahahaaaa...i tell ya shah, too much to comment on i dont know where to begin with. what surprises me the most is the names of PU's respected leaders. all name sounds sweetly!

referee kayu, that should be the loudest chants the stadium official ever to witness.

cakapaje said...

Salam AK,

Hehe...you seem happy with the new nick :) And off course, names of PU leaders always sound sweet to the ears.

Hmm...I forgot about using referee kayu and that he is actually musa tilam. Shoot! I keep forgetting such irrelevant, inconsequential gnats!

art.isreka said...

salam shah. haha. shah semakin lama menjadi semakin pandai bercerita. banyak ilham yang dapat ye?? :)

well. nanti season bola dah habis, tapi harap komentator tu masih memberi komen.. :)

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Alina,

Aiks? Pakai ID baru nampaknya :)

Ironisnya, saya bukan lagi peminat bola sepak. Kalau dulu memanglah, tapi semenjak 10-15 tahun kebelakangan ini, cuma perlawanan tertentu di World Cup je saya tengok. Hmm...kena cari minat baru nampaknya.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Oh, no, The BU team is fielding their mascot to play, none other than Bung the Taiwan Pig.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Lol! Bung...is their mascot? That bocor man does not even know how to kick a ball! So he qualifies by being a mascot...oh brother!