The actor stood on the stage with both hand clasp at the chest. "The Day!" he said loudly as his right hand reached out to the empty seats of the amphitheater, save for several people sitting in small clusters.
"No! No! You fool! Its not The Day, its D Day!" cried another actor on the stage.
"The Day!" said the first actor again.
"No! No! How many times must I say it, it is D Day! D, as in Donkey!" again cried the 2nd actor as they rehearse for a play consisting of several small sketches. And while they were at it, 2 people sitting in front were busy talking.
"What's this to be?" asked kerpie, one of the 2 men.
"It says in the synopsis that the 2 are arguing about the proper pronunciation of the military term", replied Nazir.
"You mean as in Normandy? Man, that's like **** old, don't you think?"
"Kerpie, the date is not the issue here, but the message they are trying to get across".
"Oh! OK, I can buy that then. So, what's next?"
"Next!" Nazir shouted to the stage. "Its about a broken pipe or hydrant, I don't know."
The stage rotate slowly, bringing an end to one sketch while introducing another.
3 men in overalls looked busy working on a long pipe that stretches two-third of the stage, and another dressed casual walk towards them.
"What are you guys doing?" ask Aje in a high pitch voice. "That pipe is not broken! Its the hydrant there that needs fixing, not this pipe", and he points to a hydrant on stage where several children were playing around in a scene that is suppose to portray a very hot day in the city. But instead of water gushing out of the hydrant, the stagehands use confettis and a huge blower; it just wouldn't do to have the stage flooded with real water, not with electric cables lying around, or the thought of getting the audience wet.
"Hey! Are you listening to me," cried Aje. "That pipe is not broken, why are you fixing it instead of the hydrant?"
One of the men in overall stood up. Much to Aje's surprise, the guy stood tall in front of him. Real tall, and Aje found himself looking straight at the man's chest.
"Look here you scrawny little man. We've been working on this site more than 12hours now. Yeah, we see the hydrant. But its not broken...we simply opened it to give the people here a respite from the heat! You live around here?"
"Er...no" replied Aje as he was trying to control his fear. "Just visiting a friend".
"A visitor! You don't know what's going on and you want to act clever by showing us the obvious, is that it?"
The man continued even before Aje could reply "You see that pipe? Its been there more than 20years now and has accumulated lots of stress. See that cable? Well, we just put it there along with the beams below to arrest the stress..."
"What's this all about then? Think it will sell?" asked kerp to a blank looking Nazir.
"OK, next!"
Again the stage rotate slowly to intoduce another sketch.
The lights of entire theater was dimmed to the minimum and an eerie silence fell. After several moments of darkness, the entire theater revebrated to the sound of a song by M Nasir.
"Woi! Kau buat apa?" shouted a voice from the darkness on stage.
"Aku junjung langit! Kau siapa?" replied another.
"Aku? Aku lah langit! Yang kau junjung aku ni apahal, beb?"
"Aku wira bangsa..." before the 2nd voice could finish his reply, the first voice cuts in.
"Di mana bumi ku pijak...yada yada."
"Woi! Kau tahu tak aku ni yang kau junjung tu, dah nak roboh?"
"Ya! Aku tahu! Kerana itulah aku ada di sini...akan ku pertahankan bumi ini hingga ke titisan akhir."
"Alahai..."moaned the first voice, "wira idealis rupanya".
"Woi! Kau tahu tak engkau ini bak mencampak garam ke laut?"
"Apa pulak?"
"Woi! Aku ni dah rosak. Engkau tengok sekeliling aku...penuh dengan lubang lubang ozon. Engkau tidak terdaya menjunjung aku! Dah terlalu banyak kerosakkan berlaku pada aku disebabkan bangsa engkau sendiri!"
"Jadi...jadi apa haru aku lakukan?"
"Woooi! Engkau buang segala tunggul tunggul yang ada di tempat engkau dan gantikan dengan tiang-tiang yang kukuh. Dan engkau bisikkan kepada tiang tiang baru itu agar mereka ingat sikit pada Yang Maha Berkuasa!"
Nazir looked at Kerpie. But Kerpie was already beginning to doze off. "Next!" shouted Nazir.
"Huh? What happened? asked Kerpie, awaken by Nazir's loud voice.
"Nothing. That's why I called for the next sketch. You might like this one though."
This time, instead of the stage rotating, the curtains were dropped down and the theater was litted again. A small girl, about 5 or 6 years, stepped out from the curtain and made her way to Kerpie.
"Dey macha," but his eyes were still fixed on the girl "what gives?"
"Tengok saja lah" said Nazir.
Soon, the girl stood right in front of Kerpie and grinned to him, revealing 2 missing front teeth. In the background, Kerpie began to hear a music which sound peculiar. The girl curtsied to the 2 men, and began singing.
"All I want today is to oust Sarkas!
Oust Sarkas!
Oust Sarkas!
All I want today is to oust Sarkas!"...
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Flayed Again.
Just when you thought the going was good, you discover it too good to be true - unknown.
Hmm...I guess if you've read the title and heard the song, that you know it's bad news. Minty, the lovely 'lady' ydiana wanted to put me with, is a guy!
Now, as much as I do love cats, I most certainly can't be going out with a guy cat, can I? But I've come to like Minty quite a bit, most especially after hearing the voice again and again. Kind of like the voice of a child. Still, it seems to be relationship that was destined not to be. So, to Minty, this next song goes to you.
(msds)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Continuing Saga of P.O.B: The Return of the King
It has been a very long time since I laid down my sword. I had thought then, I would never touch nor even look at it again. But circumstances has forced me to do otherwise. And as I stand facing it, my mind race back to the time I laid the sword down, and now; it has been almost an eternity!
Time, its very meaning is never certain, varying from one plane to another. In this plane we mortals live, its measurement is restricted to our orbit of the Sun, which itself is a mere dwarf of a star in this ever expanding universe. Out there in the darkness of space, this measure is of no value and meaning, but for the measurement of our physical lives, which itself is of no consequence to the vastness of the universe - we are, mere quarks, smaller than even the atom! In the bigger sense of the picture, we are nothing! Even as that may be, no, we are not hopeless!
Small as it is, this universe is filled with atomic particles from one end, to the other. Like planktons in the ocean which is the start of marine food chain, so are the atoms to the universe. Except, it is not a food to be gobble up by a hungry predator. Rather, its fusions make up for the movements of lives in this very universe. Quarks and atoms, are part of Allah Almighty gift! And we - the quarks that make up the atoms - are part of the gift, the gift of this life we live.
We live this land, a land as rich as it is beautiful, and a land whose very beauty has spawned ugly and greedy predators, who care not the scars and sores they wreak in pursuit of that very beauty which they ironically will destroy in the end. And when that is done, the end result will force us to be exactly like them! The lovely people of this land, will then no longer be the lovely people we know now. But this will only be if we allow those ugly and greedy predators to have their way.
It is with that thought in mind, I have come to accept my loyal comrades' plea to return and help turn back the tidings in our favour. As I have aged, so have I become wiser. And together with my comrades, we will fight those predators to the end, and bring back sanity to this beautiful land we live.
Even as I write this memoir, my comrades have begun the assault on the crumbling fortresses of those predators. Through our assistance, 4 of those fortresses have been laid to ruins, and God Willing, so will a few more within this blink of time. At the same time with each passing minute, scores are joining our ranks compared to the seasons for them. The end is inevitable! We, the P.O.B, will stand tall on the tower of triumph and show no mercy to those who have none.
I have no words for my loyal comrades, but a deep gratitude that will manifest accordingly once the banners of P.O.B stand high. And I ask of others to join our struggle. Come! Let us join our hands so that together, we will taste the sweetness of victory! Come! Be the man you have always dreamed of...come, and join Partai Orang-orang Bujang!
1st Part of P.O.B. saga can be read here.
Oh! This video I took from Chong Zhemin gives an exciting touch to POB! :)
Time, its very meaning is never certain, varying from one plane to another. In this plane we mortals live, its measurement is restricted to our orbit of the Sun, which itself is a mere dwarf of a star in this ever expanding universe. Out there in the darkness of space, this measure is of no value and meaning, but for the measurement of our physical lives, which itself is of no consequence to the vastness of the universe - we are, mere quarks, smaller than even the atom! In the bigger sense of the picture, we are nothing! Even as that may be, no, we are not hopeless!
Small as it is, this universe is filled with atomic particles from one end, to the other. Like planktons in the ocean which is the start of marine food chain, so are the atoms to the universe. Except, it is not a food to be gobble up by a hungry predator. Rather, its fusions make up for the movements of lives in this very universe. Quarks and atoms, are part of Allah Almighty gift! And we - the quarks that make up the atoms - are part of the gift, the gift of this life we live.
We live this land, a land as rich as it is beautiful, and a land whose very beauty has spawned ugly and greedy predators, who care not the scars and sores they wreak in pursuit of that very beauty which they ironically will destroy in the end. And when that is done, the end result will force us to be exactly like them! The lovely people of this land, will then no longer be the lovely people we know now. But this will only be if we allow those ugly and greedy predators to have their way.
It is with that thought in mind, I have come to accept my loyal comrades' plea to return and help turn back the tidings in our favour. As I have aged, so have I become wiser. And together with my comrades, we will fight those predators to the end, and bring back sanity to this beautiful land we live.
Even as I write this memoir, my comrades have begun the assault on the crumbling fortresses of those predators. Through our assistance, 4 of those fortresses have been laid to ruins, and God Willing, so will a few more within this blink of time. At the same time with each passing minute, scores are joining our ranks compared to the seasons for them. The end is inevitable! We, the P.O.B, will stand tall on the tower of triumph and show no mercy to those who have none.
I have no words for my loyal comrades, but a deep gratitude that will manifest accordingly once the banners of P.O.B stand high. And I ask of others to join our struggle. Come! Let us join our hands so that together, we will taste the sweetness of victory! Come! Be the man you have always dreamed of...come, and join Partai Orang-orang Bujang!
1st Part of P.O.B. saga can be read here.
Oh! This video I took from Chong Zhemin gives an exciting touch to POB! :)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Things That Go Bump in the Night.
I was home alone the other night with emak away at Emi's. Nothing much to worry as I have come used to it. But after the blogger's meet last Saturday where I was engaged in a particular conversation with a particular someone, sometime the mind can and does play a trick or two on a person. Now, who that particular someone I had the conversation with does not really matter, but the particular subject we touched was on the supernatural which, well, left me with a shiver or 2. And talking of shivers, I am shivering cold now from a bout of fever.
Earlier today, I took emak to a government office for some personal matters which she needed clarification. On reaching the entrance, my blood shot-up almost immediately when I noticed that the public parking was situated some distant away from the office building, while there was a sign showing the way for VVIP and VIP parking! I mean, given the situation where those VVIPs and VIPs already have a driver, why should they be accorded a parking near the building? And the public, many who are the elderly have to park a distant away - I honestly think that Malaysians have to reset their priorities. As for my fever, well, when we came out of the office, it was already raining. Without a bench for emak to sit and wait out the rain, I took a casual walk to the car. No point rushing, I thought, as I would still be drenched (a certain friend would say this: padan muka tak bawa paying!). But hey!, how was I supposed to know it would rain in midday? Oh well...
Anyway, back to the story, I've had some personal experience with the supernatural and not one of them were pleasant, I don't mind telling you. I mean, were they pleasant, heck, I might not be here to write this tale of mine, and be having the time of my life in some other planes of life which we mere mortals see not. Like, some tales I've heard of some people who are married to 'orang bunian' and what not - perhaps quite similar to P Ramlee's film Sumpah Orang Minyak. Heck! I wouldn't want come back to Earth had I been to those planes! Off course, that is assuming such planes do exist and they are as beautiful as some people would make them out to be! As a Muslim, I off course have to believe life, other than those on this plane we live, do exist. But that is as far as it should go - I acknowledge, but I bow to none other than Allah s.w.t. Hmm...I'm going far off from what I want to write about, aren't I?
Now, before I continue rambling, one must be reminded that this cakapaje fella only partakes in 1 heavy meal a day (just to emphasise: that's ONE meal only a day). Off course, sometimes in given situation, he may break the rules but that is only on rare occasions; like for instance, the night when he took Doc TA and Matsalo for Ayam Golek Halim. But other than that, its strictly a one meal a day routine.
On this particular night when emak was away, that cakapaje fella decided to sleep in the upstairs bedroom which he rarely does. No, it's not that he rarely sleep, but on most nights one may find him sleeping on the carpet of the living room downstairs. And no, it is also not because he is too lazy to climb the one floor up, but...well, since emak sleeps at the bedroom downstairs, he feels like it is his duty to sleep on the same level or below emak. Pretty conservative if you ask me but, that's cakapaje fella for you.
So, that night he was alone and was hovering between the conscious and...sleep, off course. And suddenly, he was shaken out of it by a strange noise! Looking around, he could not see much of anything as it was, well, dark! He kept still for a few very long seconds hoping to make out the sound which seem to have quieten by then. Since no noise was heard again, he happily turned to the lovely soft bed and the slightly wet pillow. But not long afterwards, that cakapaje fella was awaken again by the same noise. This time however, it was much louder which prompted him to switch on the lights and saw...nothing!
Curiousity got the better of him and he decided to check downstairs for the possibilities of some night prowlers or something like that. At that moment, 2 things crept into his mind. The first, was the possibility of a rodent which the tail, oops, I mean the tale was told sometime last November or so. Having had a look-see, he found no telltale evidence of a rodent, and that gave him the shivers as the other thing that crept into his mind was, of some supernatural things which that cakapaje is not too particular fond of.
With the mind now on full alert - and the hairs standing on ends - he decided to check all the doors and places which could lead some valuable clues to the mysterious noise. Granted, it was not such a big thing the noise was, more like some growling sound. But that's the whole thing, where and what caused such noise?
By then, cakapaje was already holding a piece of hardwood with his right hand, and slowly opening each drawer in the kitchen. If ever anything suddenly pops out of a drawer, well, the hardwood would have to make do either as a defence or offensive weapon. But with each drawer opened, nothing was found till at last, only the refrigerator remain unopened! Thus, with one eye closed, cakapaje slowly pull open the refrigerator door. And sure enough, there it was, the culprit that caused the growling noise! Cakapaje looked down to his midsection and lovingly patted his stomach! I mean, since I was wide awake already, might as well!
Soon later, the only noise that disturbed the night was those of cakapaje slumbering away. The stomach, having been sated with 2 pieces of fried chicken, was too busy to make noise any further. Well, its not really a tale of things that go bump in the night, but it certainly did go burping!
Now, for the fever...
Earlier today, I took emak to a government office for some personal matters which she needed clarification. On reaching the entrance, my blood shot-up almost immediately when I noticed that the public parking was situated some distant away from the office building, while there was a sign showing the way for VVIP and VIP parking! I mean, given the situation where those VVIPs and VIPs already have a driver, why should they be accorded a parking near the building? And the public, many who are the elderly have to park a distant away - I honestly think that Malaysians have to reset their priorities. As for my fever, well, when we came out of the office, it was already raining. Without a bench for emak to sit and wait out the rain, I took a casual walk to the car. No point rushing, I thought, as I would still be drenched (a certain friend would say this: padan muka tak bawa paying!). But hey!, how was I supposed to know it would rain in midday? Oh well...
Anyway, back to the story, I've had some personal experience with the supernatural and not one of them were pleasant, I don't mind telling you. I mean, were they pleasant, heck, I might not be here to write this tale of mine, and be having the time of my life in some other planes of life which we mere mortals see not. Like, some tales I've heard of some people who are married to 'orang bunian' and what not - perhaps quite similar to P Ramlee's film Sumpah Orang Minyak. Heck! I wouldn't want come back to Earth had I been to those planes! Off course, that is assuming such planes do exist and they are as beautiful as some people would make them out to be! As a Muslim, I off course have to believe life, other than those on this plane we live, do exist. But that is as far as it should go - I acknowledge, but I bow to none other than Allah s.w.t. Hmm...I'm going far off from what I want to write about, aren't I?
Now, before I continue rambling, one must be reminded that this cakapaje fella only partakes in 1 heavy meal a day (just to emphasise: that's ONE meal only a day). Off course, sometimes in given situation, he may break the rules but that is only on rare occasions; like for instance, the night when he took Doc TA and Matsalo for Ayam Golek Halim. But other than that, its strictly a one meal a day routine.
On this particular night when emak was away, that cakapaje fella decided to sleep in the upstairs bedroom which he rarely does. No, it's not that he rarely sleep, but on most nights one may find him sleeping on the carpet of the living room downstairs. And no, it is also not because he is too lazy to climb the one floor up, but...well, since emak sleeps at the bedroom downstairs, he feels like it is his duty to sleep on the same level or below emak. Pretty conservative if you ask me but, that's cakapaje fella for you.
So, that night he was alone and was hovering between the conscious and...sleep, off course. And suddenly, he was shaken out of it by a strange noise! Looking around, he could not see much of anything as it was, well, dark! He kept still for a few very long seconds hoping to make out the sound which seem to have quieten by then. Since no noise was heard again, he happily turned to the lovely soft bed and the slightly wet pillow. But not long afterwards, that cakapaje fella was awaken again by the same noise. This time however, it was much louder which prompted him to switch on the lights and saw...nothing!
Curiousity got the better of him and he decided to check downstairs for the possibilities of some night prowlers or something like that. At that moment, 2 things crept into his mind. The first, was the possibility of a rodent which the tail, oops, I mean the tale was told sometime last November or so. Having had a look-see, he found no telltale evidence of a rodent, and that gave him the shivers as the other thing that crept into his mind was, of some supernatural things which that cakapaje is not too particular fond of.
With the mind now on full alert - and the hairs standing on ends - he decided to check all the doors and places which could lead some valuable clues to the mysterious noise. Granted, it was not such a big thing the noise was, more like some growling sound. But that's the whole thing, where and what caused such noise?
By then, cakapaje was already holding a piece of hardwood with his right hand, and slowly opening each drawer in the kitchen. If ever anything suddenly pops out of a drawer, well, the hardwood would have to make do either as a defence or offensive weapon. But with each drawer opened, nothing was found till at last, only the refrigerator remain unopened! Thus, with one eye closed, cakapaje slowly pull open the refrigerator door. And sure enough, there it was, the culprit that caused the growling noise! Cakapaje looked down to his midsection and lovingly patted his stomach! I mean, since I was wide awake already, might as well!
Soon later, the only noise that disturbed the night was those of cakapaje slumbering away. The stomach, having been sated with 2 pieces of fried chicken, was too busy to make noise any further. Well, its not really a tale of things that go bump in the night, but it certainly did go burping!
Now, for the fever...
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
A Slip of Mind or....?
This kind of emails have been going around for quite sometime now; all the pictures here have been recycled time and again. Normally I would just laugh it off and then delete it for it does not serve any real purpose except maybe, to tickle one's mind. However, I could not help but put it up here simply for...well, see for yourself.
emy_fashila@yahoo.com.my
Old movie. New watch? Watch it out!
You need to hold the trigger to shoot someone or...?
Hmmm.... aero planes in the Trojan War?
Bows, arrows, ... and cellphones in the olden days?
Now here comes what I hope is everyone's fav....
.
.
.
Wow! In those days,... Adidas? Hmmm.... branded Pirate!
****.****
The last 2 is simply precious!
emy_fashila@yahoo.com.my
Old movie. New watch? Watch it out! 
You need to hold the trigger to shoot someone or...? 
Hmmm.... aero planes in the Trojan War? 
Bows, arrows, ... and cellphones in the olden days? Now here comes what I hope is everyone's fav....
.
.
.
Wow! In those days,... Adidas? Hmmm.... branded Pirate! but not as stupid as......
OR THIS ?
No comment :)
****.****
The last 2 is simply precious!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Knights of the Asam Pedas
Knights of the Asam Pedas, is a true pictorial account of the event that took place on the Saturday afternoon of March 5, 2008. Somehow, Hollywood producers were informed of the event and turned it into some blockbuster movies.
Before the meet: the knights discussing on issues relating to protocol. Pak Idrus, one of the 2 senior knights, seen discussing with
a Yellow T-shirt guy, Private kerpie, and Saiful.
a Yellow T-shirt guy, Private kerpie, and Saiful.
The Yellow T-shirt guy relaying the orders to akak, Doc TA, Anon Miri, and Salah.
Security Kinght Jefflam, arrives and introduces himself all around.
Just prior to the meet beginning, Jefflam and Pok Ku doing their security check.Jefflam seen here frisking Pak Idrus,
while Pok Ku leaves no table unturned searching for explosives.
The Queen (Raden) seen here inspecting her Guard-of-Honour,comprising of Private kerpie, Minister of Health (DocTA),
and Minister of Information (muteaudio).
Private kerpie trying to hog Elizabeth Wongto himself as he did with TDM.
Edelweiss, Elviza and the Queen (Raden), in a show of protest at Private kerpie's conduct above.
Salah and Anon trying to figure out how to drag Eli Wong away for themselves.
The actual Round Table Meet. Marina and Elizabeth squaring it out
with Speaker(Matsalo) checking the regulations,
while Anon of Miri and his wife looks on at the antics of the other knights.
The Backbenchers Club! L-R: Accia, Yati, Elviza, Jacqueline Tegjeu, Raden, Marina.(Hmm...if the men are knights, should not the ladies then be knighties?)
The Knights and a knightie looking in awe at the knighties.Muteaudio informing RTM, Private kerpie in serious gaze,
guy in Yellow T-Shirt trying to close his eyes,
and a knightie that should be on the opposite side but isn't.
(Taken from Jefflam's blog).
Where it all began.Saving Private...was actually taken from this real life picture
where the brothers successfully managed to restrain Private kerpie
from going for the Backbenchers!
Broken-hearted, Private kerpie seen heredrowning his sorrows with a can of coke!
After Private kerpie turn of events, the Yellow T-shirt guyis seen seeking help for his trauma from a professional.
(Azlan, Accia's husband is a professional violinist).
The Yellow T-shirt guy (again!) seen seeking 2nd opinionfrom Doc TA and Anon of Miri.
Anon of Miri (not in picture) released the laughing gasto ease the Yellow T-shirt guy's trauma.
Unfortunately, Doc TA was caught in the line of fire!
Doc TA still recovering from the laughing gas,which seem to affect Elvia and Accia too!
In truth, though the pictures of the event are real, the accompanying text are not.
Last night, Matsalo gave DocTA and I softcopy of the pictures which are too many to put in any one blog. Thus I have arranged several here in a light manner and sincerely hope it does not offend anyone. If otherwise, please forgive me.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
HOW MALAYSIAN ARE YOU?
Here's another something I received in my email today. Now, being the playful guy I am, I'm not going to answer it (in green below) truthfully - except for one or two - and I'll leave to anyone to guess which. The real answer, or the supposedly real, is below mine.
HOW MALAYSIAN ARE YOU?
NO CHEATING
1. How much is satu kupang?
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping?
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato?
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai.
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians.
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber"
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love.
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean?
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for?
10. What is the English name for putu mayam?
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans.
12. What does ABC stand for?
13. How long is a sari?
15. Name Penang's famous beach.
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?.
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm?
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?.
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin?
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot?
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you
are...?
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy?
23. How did the word "gostan" come about?
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous
Malay song?
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup?
26. What is the name of our national flag?
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult?
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike?
29. Name our national bird.
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is
the son?
NO CHEATING!
1. How much is satu kupang? Had it nor been for Cikgu and Doc TA, I would have thought kupang is some seafood!
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping? Hello! I've only been there once in my entire life; how the hell am I supposed to know? But a wild guess: Tapiing Zoo?
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato? Blues Gang dialect!
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai. kosong, tolur, bawang, pisang, gardenia.
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians. Sekoi (ni ada yang Doktor Sarawak bunuh den nanti ha!)
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber" Honestly, don't know. Gamat?
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love. That's easy for a Javanese to answer: budu.
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean? Walking on the spot!
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for? Ipoh Mali. Nah, its my favourite: Limau Bali.
10. What is the English name for putu mayam? Mayam Putu?
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans. Bah! How should I know bah!
12. What does ABC stand for? Ais Batu Kacang. Or is it mere alphabets?
13. How long is a sari? Like I've worn one before.
15. Name Penang's famous beach. Ferringhi.
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?. Don't know, never drank it before.
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm? Propaganda.
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?. Ain't seen one for a very long time!
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin? Ain't seen one for a very long time, too!
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot? Kerpov?
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you
are...? ameno.
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy? Lat.
23. How did the word "gostan" come about? Kurdistan.
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous
Malay song? Getaran Jiwa.
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup? When Sir Thomas was alive - just to show how long it has been.
26. What is the name of our national flag? Jalur Gemilang - English translation: Stripes of Glory, for which the US flag was named. Patriotic bunch of people, are we?
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult? ZAM, the former Minister of Information.
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike? Don't know.
29. Name our national bird. We have one?
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is
the son? Ali Baba - that's what ameno taught me.
I failed!
In the end, I only have this to say: I believe, those people who unsheathe kris, shouts patriotic slogans, and waive huge national flags, would be amongst the first to run or hide should the country be invaded by some foreign army. I may be wrong, but that - as I mentioned - is what I believe.
NO CHEATING!
ANSWERS:
> 1. Northern slang for 10 sen
> 2. Lake Gardens
> 3. Negri Sembilan, meaning "What's there to say?"
> 4. Roti bom, roti pisang, roti planta, roti telur, roti sardin, roti
> telur bawang
> 5. Sago
> 6. Minyak gamat made from sea cucumber, for wounds
> 7. Budu
> 8. Northern dialect that means coming and going but ending up at the
> same spot
> 9. Pomelo
> 10. String hoppers
> 11. Bah
> 12. Air batu campur
> 13. Six yards
> 15. Batu Ferringhi
> 16. Kopi cham
> 17. The news
> 18. Keris
> 19. Congkak
> 20. Wira
> 21. "Other" or Lain-lain
> 22. Lat
> 23. A corruption of "go astern"
> 24. P. Ramlee's Getaran Jiwa
> 25. 1992
> 26. Jalur Gemilang
> 27. "Datuk"
> 28. Jaguh
> 29. There's none
> 30. Baba
SCORES AND EVALUATION :
0-10
Malu-lah you! We suggest you spend at least one hour a day at your
nearest coffee-shop.
11-20
Boleh pass. Okay, you may claim to be the average Malaysian with a score
in this range but you could watch less CNN and more RTM.
21-30
Wah, you one true blue Malaysian-lah. Top quality belacan. We are truly
impressed, especially if you know the answer to No. 24 which we admit is
very tricky!
HOW MALAYSIAN ARE YOU?
NO CHEATING
1. How much is satu kupang?
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping?
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato?
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai.
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians.
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber"
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love.
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean?
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for?
10. What is the English name for putu mayam?
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans.
12. What does ABC stand for?
13. How long is a sari?
15. Name Penang's famous beach.
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?.
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm?
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?.
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin?
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot?
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you
are...?
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy?
23. How did the word "gostan" come about?
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous
Malay song?
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup?
26. What is the name of our national flag?
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult?
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike?
29. Name our national bird.
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is
the son?
NO CHEATING!
1. How much is satu kupang? Had it nor been for Cikgu and Doc TA, I would have thought kupang is some seafood!
2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping? Hello! I've only been there once in my entire life; how the hell am I supposed to know? But a wild guess: Tapiing Zoo?
3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato? Blues Gang dialect!
4. Name at least five variations of roti canai. kosong, tolur, bawang, pisang, gardenia.
5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians. Sekoi (ni ada yang Doktor Sarawak bunuh den nanti ha!)
6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber" Honestly, don't know. Gamat?
7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love. That's easy for a Javanese to answer: budu.
8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean? Walking on the spot!
9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for? Ipoh Mali. Nah, its my favourite: Limau Bali.
10. What is the English name for putu mayam? Mayam Putu?
11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans. Bah! How should I know bah!
12. What does ABC stand for? Ais Batu Kacang. Or is it mere alphabets?
13. How long is a sari? Like I've worn one before.
15. Name Penang's famous beach. Ferringhi.
16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?. Don't know, never drank it before.
17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm? Propaganda.
18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?. Ain't seen one for a very long time!
19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin? Ain't seen one for a very long time, too!
20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot? Kerpov?
21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you
are...? ameno.
22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy? Lat.
23. How did the word "gostan" come about? Kurdistan.
24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous
Malay song? Getaran Jiwa.
25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup? When Sir Thomas was alive - just to show how long it has been.
26. What is the name of our national flag? Jalur Gemilang - English translation: Stripes of Glory, for which the US flag was named. Patriotic bunch of people, are we?
27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult? ZAM, the former Minister of Information.
28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike? Don't know.
29. Name our national bird. We have one?
30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is
the son? Ali Baba - that's what ameno taught me.
I failed!
In the end, I only have this to say: I believe, those people who unsheathe kris, shouts patriotic slogans, and waive huge national flags, would be amongst the first to run or hide should the country be invaded by some foreign army. I may be wrong, but that - as I mentioned - is what I believe.
NO CHEATING!
ANSWERS:
> 1. Northern slang for 10 sen
> 2. Lake Gardens
> 3. Negri Sembilan, meaning "What's there to say?"
> 4. Roti bom, roti pisang, roti planta, roti telur, roti sardin, roti
> telur bawang
> 5. Sago
> 6. Minyak gamat made from sea cucumber, for wounds
> 7. Budu
> 8. Northern dialect that means coming and going but ending up at the
> same spot
> 9. Pomelo
> 10. String hoppers
> 11. Bah
> 12. Air batu campur
> 13. Six yards
> 15. Batu Ferringhi
> 16. Kopi cham
> 17. The news
> 18. Keris
> 19. Congkak
> 20. Wira
> 21. "Other" or Lain-lain
> 22. Lat
> 23. A corruption of "go astern"
> 24. P. Ramlee's Getaran Jiwa
> 25. 1992
> 26. Jalur Gemilang
> 27. "Datuk"
> 28. Jaguh
> 29. There's none
> 30. Baba
SCORES AND EVALUATION :
0-10
Malu-lah you! We suggest you spend at least one hour a day at your
nearest coffee-shop.
11-20
Boleh pass. Okay, you may claim to be the average Malaysian with a score
in this range but you could watch less CNN and more RTM.
21-30
Wah, you one true blue Malaysian-lah. Top quality belacan. We are truly
impressed, especially if you know the answer to No. 24 which we admit is
very tricky!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Short take
I do love it when everyone's abuzz about something and everyone - most especially that clown whose writing you are reading now - gives out their opinion about almost everything under the sun and yet, a matter most consider trivial but in fact is the most important is not mentioned.
Take this PRU12 for example. We have the goonies Be End and ameno campaigning non-stop about how important they are to the people of Malaysia. On the other side of the fence, you have the opposition parties - that cakapaje clown included - who is hell bent in burying Be End and ameno alive in a pit filled with vipers, cobras, gila monsters and what not. Everyone is so preoccupied about one thing or another, that the most important thing is forgotten...until I came across this email from a lady; she simply wrote:
"nak ngundi?
Borrowing a line from Minci, I sing: la la la :)
Take this PRU12 for example. We have the goonies Be End and ameno campaigning non-stop about how important they are to the people of Malaysia. On the other side of the fence, you have the opposition parties - that cakapaje clown included - who is hell bent in burying Be End and ameno alive in a pit filled with vipers, cobras, gila monsters and what not. Everyone is so preoccupied about one thing or another, that the most important thing is forgotten...until I came across this email from a lady; she simply wrote:
"nak ngundi?
jgn lupa....bawa diri sendiri
jgn lupa....bawa yg penting ini tauuuuuuuuuuu. ."Borrowing a line from Minci, I sing: la la la :)
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