Wednesday, May 14, 2008

For Muha...My Brother

I am at 2 minds in writing this. But my 'lift' brother (adik angkat - though we have never met; boleh ye Muha), have requested I do this tag. The soft spot in me made me accept though it would mean revealing a past which I would rather not dwell. Still, to write or do the tag, I feel I must be honest, even if it means being ridiculed at. We each have our bad dreams come true, and I am no exception.

The tag's theme is "Age I wish To Go Back To".

Before I begin, I do have to excuse myself for not showing any photographs. Its not that I do not want to, but due to circumstances, its either I don't have any (for this tag purposes), or they are somewhere in this house, hidden under a pile of boxes which has not been opened for ages.

And so we begin...

Age I wish To Go Back To.
There are times in our life when we come to a major crossroad. For many of us, the choice between the 2 roads ahead were made knowing that such choice would reflect in our future, but never fully realising the consequence of such a choice until it reveals itself at a certain future point. For those blessed with religious guidance, the choice made seem to be crystal clear already. But for those who are not so lucky, the battle cry was 'que sera sera'.

Some many years back, I was asked to submit an application for a post in a small organisation. Since my small own small business was not exactly shining, I decided to give it a try. The job description did not seem too difficult to handle, and I have always wondered about working in such an environment.

There were only 2 candidates that came for the interview - a highly qualified and experienced man who brought a pile of papers as his testimony, and I, who had only a piece of paper outlining my qualifications and work experience.

As the man was interviewed in a cubicle with walls half made by glass panels, I sat outside watching but not thinking of anything. Though no words could be heard, I could see the man showing his papers as proof of his capability. I, by then, had given up any thoughts of being employed there as I could see the man was indeed a better choice. Soon after the man walked out of the room and I was called in.

I begged excuse for my single resume paper, and then began replying to the questions put forward. Another office bearer walked in and began barraging me with some questions which I was not prepared for. At the end of the interview, we shook hands and were told to wait at the lobby of the building.

It took the office bearer several hours to deliberate and when the news came, I was made totally speechless. Somehow, the office bearers chose me over the other guy. It was a decision I should have felt happy about, but I was not. Even then, I felt something was not quite right, but most of all, I felt a deep pain for the other guy as he was desperate for the job.

I will not touch on the office affair, but a year later I submitted a resignation letter which was turned down. By then, I knew my gut feelings after the interview had begun to manifest in some shady things which I was powerless to act. Still, I continued on for another year and then again resubmitted my resignation. This time I was adamant; though I have come to love the office for its possible contribution to the society, I had to leave. To stay on, would mean I have a vested interest in several irregular matters.

I cannot say I left with pride intact, but I can say my conscience is clear and that under circumstances then, I have tried my best.

Today, mainly because of some bureaucratic nonsense of a government body which the organisation is beholden to, the office is almost non-existent.

Now, looking back, if there is an age that I could go back to, then it would be the age when I accepted the job offer. For knowing now what I did not then, I would not have accepted it in the first place.

Muha, I hope this entry would suffice. My apologies if its not what you had hoped for. But I do have to thank you. Strangely in writing this, it helps to chase one skeleton out of the cupboard. Now....for the remaining 99. Oops! :)

ps. I will not tag anyone out of respects for any skeletons that may be hiding. But, do feel free to do it if one do so wish. Just kindly inform me so that I too can read it. Thanks :)


Snowflake said...

You made it so far right? Even if you could earn that age, would you think you would be able to make no mistakes in your life? Allow me to share this. There were so much setback that I too had gone through i.e. friendship, job hoppings etc. etc. but somehow or rather that finally make me turn out as I am today. Honestly, be it that the traits are desirable qualities or those that doom me a failure. All I wanted to be is a decent human being.

Ydiana said...

Hi Shah

Hi Snowflake! Fancy meeting you here, too!

Ok Shah, it must have taken some courage for you to share all these with us, but if you remember about takdir, and about qada' and qadar. Everything has a blessing in disguise and ...what's that wise saying, (correct me if I' wrong) behind every cloud, there's a silver lining ..?

But at least now you've got one skeleton out of the closet, than it should be okay.

P/s The word 'skeleton' is haunting me these past few days...don't know why..eeee

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam snowflake,

Hey, I'm a OK. This entry is just a tag I'm doing for my adik angkat, Muha. Since its entitled as such, I had to pick an age which is...shall we say, more profound? Otherwise, there would be no reason to be wishing to go back.

Mistakes, everyone makes them everyday. Well, almost everyone, and almost everyday :)

But, thanks for the concern :)

cakapaje said...

Salam ydiana,

Yes, I do remember about qada' and qadar. In fact, the entry previous to last I had mentioned about takdir. Like I mentioned to snowflake, its the tag I had to do.

Hmm...about the saying, would it not be better to have real gold ingots rather than the silver lining? Just kidding :)

Skeleton? Could it have anything to do about the movie "Skeleton Keys"? :)

mOEha Aziz said...

salam ya akhi,

u r indeed a brother... :)

this is more than enuf. i couldnt b too selfish... hehehe

thanks. it is an honour for me. and i'm glad somethjing gud come out of this. :)

p/s: skeleton keys? sukanye that movie...

Kata Tak Nak said...

I thought you would write about the wild days of drugs and free sex that you would want to indulge in but something stopped you?

Come on man, we were young once and made mistakes. Anyway, how are we to know what we would get ourselves into without any prior warning?

That's one lesson learnt, one experience richer.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Come to think of it, you did refuse wild parties, drugs and sex didn't you? Hmmm, if I am not mistaken I still have a newspaper cutting fr0om someone who looked like a young you caught for organising drugs and sex party. You were wearing a T-shirt with Tadika Wendy's in front.But then again it could be Doc.

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Muha,

For you bro, anytime :)

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Sssshhhhh....Cikgu, quiet quiet about those wild days; don't want the world to know! lol! But the newspaper cutting, I also think its DocTA. Hmm...our bro MS too might be in the picture if you look carefully! lol!

Thanks Cikgu :)

tokasid said...

Alamak.....macamana che'gu boleh tau ni??Mesti si Ahmad Kerpov yg cerita.He was supposed to be in that foto too,but somehow he went out to piss by the lamp pst outside.

cakapaje said...

Salam Doc,

Lol! Cikgu dah torture si Ahmad Kerpov kita tu! Entah entah the sexual torture he mentioned in a couple of post dulu :)

waterlily said...



I'm jealous with Muha. Dia kuat dalam banyak perkara. Sekarang dia ada abang angkat pulak.

Nak jadi adik angkatjuga boleh? LOL

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam WL,

Jadi adik angkat saya, berbesar hati saya...boleh., abang angkat official WL tu, tak kejar saya ngan pedang samurai ke nanti? lol.

WL, Muha dan kerpie, ketiganya adik angkat saya ye :)