Friday, August 15, 2008

The Bodyguard

A friend text me today: "Baby rabbits for sale! xxx specie (can't remember the name she wrote). Selling for RM50 each, only! Pet shop sell for RM130! Very cute!"

Now, I don't about anyone else, but to me, a rabbit is only good for one thing - makan! Rabbit meat, is so tender and nice, they taste quite like chicken. But off course, don't tell Teratai(the friend) or any rabbit lovers about this. Otherwise, one might just find me making a statutory declaration somewhere about something no one in his right mind would want to make nor read. Further, it would ruin a reputation I earned, having been a bodyguard to Teratai for a whole day. Since then, she calls me Kevin (as in Costner), and I her, Whitney (as in Houston).

It was several years back when she and her friend were operating a Launderette in a hotel/apartment block somewhere in Subang. A tenant, middle-eastern by his looks, was so smitten with Teratai's looks and would drop in daily just to talk to her. This, had Teratai in fear and confided in her husband, who then confided in a mutual friend of the couple. Who else, but that ex-army cadet who earned himself the name 'Wounded Soldier' whilst in school (the only limping cadet!), and who is now forced to see himself as the modern day version of Don Quixote; yup, that cakapaje fella!

Being a bodyguard, even for a day, I don't mind telling you, can be quite boring. But being a bodyguard without pay, even for a day, I don't mind telling you, can be worse! However, being a friend to a lovely lady, I had very little choice but to comply. And so there I was, an overweight ex-cadet, limping his way up and down the car and later, the shop, quite like Quixote would with his trusty steed. Only difference is that Quixote had a 12foot lance with him, while I...

In between wanting to doze off and wanting to doze off, cakapaje had to grab and read whatever materials on hand which unfortunately, was not many. And all of a sudden, the door to the launderette swung open, rather forcefully, I might add. Maybe it was instincts, but even before he looked up, cakapaje knew it was the ME guy.

As soon as he stepped in, the ME stopped in his tracks. OK, it was not exactly like High Noon at OK Corral, but this guy, he was huge, and could have easily been a 6footer plus, with a body quite like a body builder but with more fat than muscles! Cakapaje, was like a dwarf compared to him. "Man", cakapaje thought "am I going to be sleeping in a hospital bed tonight?"

Now, luck, as it happened, was on cakapaje's side that day. The stool he was sitting on, had a legrest which is a foot or two above ground level. But since he was sitting behind the counter, the ME could not see anything behind it. So, cakapaje stood on the legrest, praying hard deep inside that the stool would not overturn throwing him onto the floor. OK, the floor was carpeted. But the ME might just take opportunity to step on cakapaje's head, and wallah! "Look ma!, no heads!" the ME might be tempted to gloat! Alhamdulillah, he did not have the chance to.

Cakapaje was now all fired and ready. His hands resting on his waist, maybe somewhat like what Wyatt Earp at OK Corral, and he gave the ME a gaze. The ME in turn, was looking at Teratai, who in turn, was smiling ever so sweetly and putting on her PR self. After a very tense few minutes, the ME suddenly said "Never mind, I'll come back later!". It seems, according to Teratai, he never showed up again.

Back to the rabbits, after paying her some complimentary text, and she after that, admitting to be on Cloud 9, has promised cakapaje a lovely dinner, compliments, off course, from her husband, Shuhaizan. Aiyai yai!


Kata Tak Nak said...

I am more interested with what you have against Quixote's 12 lance. hehehe.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Hehe...ssshhh! That is OSA material, lol!

Zabs said...

Salam Shah,
Tak pernah makan daging arnab. Nampak macam tikus putih yang besar je. Hahaha...

seaweed said...

Salam Shah,

same here. tak pernah makan , maybe should try one day. : )

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Pak Zabs,

Rupa, memang tak dapat dinafikan. Rasa, hmm...tak pernah lak den makan tikut putih yang besar, lol!

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Lily,

Oh! You should! What say, one of these days, I take you for a rabbit lunch. But, you must promise not to tell other bloggers about this ;)

bergen said...

I'm not sure if I can bring myself to slaughter a beautiful creature like rabbits. Especially white ones with eyes that can melt your hearts. I couldn't sleep for a week after slaughtering my first cow. I made the mistake of looking at its eyes while while running the blade through.

Ydiana said...

Salam Shah

Ok, next time I know where to hire a bodyguard.

And could you eat a rabbit!? (Joking only) I can never touch a rabbit meat. I had a rabbit as a pet once, and he died in my lap after an attack by a wild cat. I chased after the cat to rescue my rabbit. The head was badly injured and I cried all the way carrying the rabbit to my father's office and forced the office boy to take him to the vet. He died that same day... :(

On a positive note, luckiy I never had a chicken as a pet..hahaha.

cakapaje said...

Salam bergen,

Whoa...who said about slaughtering? Yes bro, I know where you're coming from and don't I could it myself either. But makan, is a totally different thing!

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam ydiana,

Hmm...if you have a chicken as well as a cow for a pet, then I believe your garden would be more than just a vegie patch, lol!

Hey, I had a similar experience too. But the rabbit was the school's pet and it died after being ravaged by some stray dogs. I can still remember the poor guy as I held him by the leg and brought him to the gardener's quarters.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

i'm more interested on teratai. i know she's married and all but to be seen with a lovely lady makes a guy look handsomer.

*Teratai is my compulsory number whenever karaoke-ing.

Mat Salo said...

Bro'.. very well written! Tak sangka bodyguard yer? :)

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Bro, Teratai is indeed a nice lady, originally a Singaporean. But she's as tall as her husband, and she adores Shuhaizan to bits.

cakapaje said...

Salam Mat Salo,

Lor...bodyguard tak bergaji, boleh le. Kalau betuinya, tak layak! lol!

Anonymous said...

salam shah. rasanya tak pernah makan daging arnab. tapi rasanya pernah makan rusa. dan memang sedap. kalau goreng. saya pernah dengar yang daging tenggiling juga sedap!

aha. apa attire shah masa jadi bodyguard? kebanyakan bodyguard dapat dikenalpasti bila dia pakai kacamata hitam, rambut tersikat rapi dan pakai kot warna hitam serta talileher, serta pakai earphone.. er..menurut drama di malaysia lah! (obvious sangat kan??) ok. bodyguard malaysia rasanya pakai tshirt dan seluar jeans aja.. huhu.

cakapaje said...

Wa'alaikumusalam Alina,

Daging arnab dan rusa berbeza - arnab lembut manakala rusa pejal. Namun, keduanya sedap., saya pula tak pernah; sedap ke?

Oh! Waktu jadi bodyguard tu, kita siap dengan coat lagi you! lol! Taklah! Tu bodyguard Najis boleh le. Ni kita pakai biasa je - sleeveless, konon nak tunjukkan muscle (yang tiada)! :)